Remember that one time when I attempted to hand wash my comforter? I do! After that horrendous and humiliating event I knew I would never ever do that again, the hand washing part, not the washing in general. Fast forward a couple months and I'm standing in front of the washing machine at my new apartment. "Surely this machine is bigger than my old one" I think to myself. It was .... kind of. I had managed to stuff my comforter into the washing machine and held the door closed until it locked.
"Success!" I thought! Wrong! Sure it had fit in there, but just barely and as a result the comforter managed to come out dirtier than before I had even put it in! Because it was squeezed so tightly into the machine, it picked up all the dirt that had accumulated in the crevices of the barrel. While, the comforter was technically clean, it certainly didn't look it! Another point for you stupid blanket!
Let's fast forward another couple months to yesterday. As I walked into the laundry room the shiny, brand new, red washer and dryer began to mock me.
"Look at me," the washing machine cooed, "Don't I seem big and spacious? Look at all the room I have for all the things you need to clean. Clothing. Towels. Or perhaps, a blanket?"
His lights flashed in a electronic wink. I must admit, he did seem a little more roomy than the previous machine.
Then the drier chimed in, "Oh yes, me too! I can dry anything and everything! We make a lovely pair wouldn't you say?"
They really did seem capable of fitting my albatross of a comforter.
"Alright guys!" I said, slapped them a couple of mechanic high fives, and scuttled off to grab the beast.
With a little shifting and shoving I had managed to fit it into the washer.
"Success!" I cried once again. Wrong!
After some time, I noticed that the timer hadn't gone off. The load should have been done by now. A little confused, I went to check on it. The timer read 9 minutes remaining. And it read 9 minutes for next half hour! Something had gone wrong and the washing machine was stuck on the last cycle! "No biggie" I shrugged, turned the machine off and set it for a rinse and spin repeat. That worked for about ten minutes. Then the cheeky washer stopped completely and flashed the cryptic message "U.E" Which I can only assume means "uneven load".
Not to be thwarted by a moody piece of technology, I figured I would throw the blanket in the dryer and all would be well. It was a simple idea. An idea which would have certainly worked had the spin cycle done its job at all! Upon opening the door it became very clear that the blanket was cursed. The stupid thing was still soaking wet!
It was going in the dryer anyways! At this point I wish I could say that once in the dryer the comforter ended up being dry and clean and all was well, that would have been nice. Of course that wasn't what actually happened. After letting it bang around for thirty minutes I went to see the progress. Nothing had changed. In fact, there was a puddle starting to form at the bottom of the dryer from all the water that wretched thing was holding onto! At this point, I threw my arms up in defeat. I was going to have to hang it dry ...... AGAIN!
With the water logged blanket stuffed into a plastic bin, I left the laundry room to a chorus of laughter from the washer and dryer. Har, har, stupids, very funny! Then the balancing act began yet again. Me getting more and more soaked as I struggled to place the drying rack in a way that wouldn't cause it to collapse under the weight of the blanket. With one half thrown over the railing of my balcony and the other teetering atop a flimsy wire rack, I prayed that the winds wouldn't pick it up and carry it away while I slept.
As I write this, over twelve hours later, the comforter still isn't dry enough to bring back into the house! That's it, I've learned my lesson!
On second thought, maybe the wind sweeping it away wouldn't be such a bad thing .....
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